Old Arabian Proverb



"And lo, the beast looked upon the face of beauty. And it stayed its hand from killing. And from that day, it was as one dead."







Health food for those with IQ scores in the 101st percentile


Mountain Dew Throwback


How Dr Smart smacks brain lethargy in the face - with REAL sugar and REAL salt

How to Turn an iPod touch Into an iPhone* AND Save $30+/Month Over 2 Years!**


Update: This guide is obsolete now as there is a newer and better way of turning your iPod touch into an iPhone. See: Turn Your iPod touch into an iPhone


The first in a series about everything you didn't know you wanted to know (and may regret knowing later) for getting the most out of your iPod touch. 


First, we'll start out with the parts list***:

1) a late 00's iPod touch. Three sizes are currently available and any will work - but note that only the 32GB and 64GB are truly the 3rd Generation hardware.  The September 2009 32GB iPod touch and 64GB iPod touch are comparable to the iPhone 3GS in terms of processor power. For this example, let's take the 32GB iPod touch which as of this writing sells for around US$270 on Amazon.com.

2) a 3G “dumbphone” with bluetooth (such as the Nokia 6263 – which a quick search shows can be had for as low as US$40 to $50 used)

3) a PDA with Windows Mobile (5.0 and above) with Wifi (such as the Dell Axim x50v that has been upgraded to WM 5).  About US$140 to $150 used.

4) WMWifiRouter at http://www.wmwifirouter.com/ for US$29.99.



5) A cheap-o data plan, which as of this writing is US$10/month for unlimited data but which requires a US$29.99/month voice plan.

Stop.  May I have a hot black coffee and cookies please?  Yes, the kind with the white chocolate and macadamia nuts.  Okay, thank you.  Shall we continue with the dictation?

Where was I, oh yes... Next it's a simple matter of establishing a dial up bluetooth connection on the PDA with the phone, installing the WMWifiRouter on the PDA, configuring and executing it, detecting the Wifi network on the iPod touch and connecting to it.

Now we have an iPod touch that can access the internet anywhere (not just in my lab, our library, or at the Barnes & Noble).  The iPod touch can be used to make unlimited calling in the US for $3/month with Skype.  The Google Maps feature is surprisingly, incredibly accurate (triangulating one's position via cellular towers - without the need for GPS).

The real savings come with the ability to NOT be contracted with AT&T for two years.  One could use another GSM carrier with a no-contract-required $29.99/mo voice plan and $10 unlimited 3G dataplan.

The comparable Apple iPhone 32GB package is presently $299 with a 2 year contract at $69.99/month (lowest plan available).  As far as the connectivity costs, it comes to a grand total savings of $720 over the two years.  The hardware costs about $450-$470 as compared with $299, which brings the overall savings to about $550.





Finally, you may be asking... what about the camera and GPS that we're missing?  Well, we can make do with what we have on board the dumbphone and the triangulation effect, but in a future post we'll explain how to completely erase the remaining $500 savings and get a 5MP+ camera wirelessly connected into this dog's breakfast and an external bluetooth GPS thrown into the mess as well.

By the way, if anyone wants to buy any of this equipment from the doctor, please let me know. He wants to unload it so he can purchase an iPhone, or an Android Phone. Looking forward to your comments (which will be moderated by the doctor himself).


*Almost exactly like an iPhone, except different

**When compared with using the normal (eech!) and popular (double eech!) way of doing it

***Note that dozens of different devices could do this, such as utilizing a Wifi 3G Windows Mobile Phone (5.0 and above)

Note: Children (and adults) do not try this at home. The author takes no responsibility for any loss of life, money, or sanity, due to the above ramblings, and by reading this the reader agrees to indemnify the author of any and all damages the foregoing may have caused him, her or it.







Reason #6 Why I'm Sooper Smart

I go to extreme lengths to save a little cash, even though in the end the time and hassle involved pretty much negates any savings.  But, I'll still do this since I get an ego boost from not doing something the "normal way."

Dinner with our Siberian Office Manager



We enjoyed quite a delicacy this evening.



Sadly, in the future from when I come, we could never enjoy this sort of delicious meal... lobsters are no longer available to eat. Not because of overfishing, mind you, or some ridiculous extinction story. No, there's plenty of them swimming around the seas. It's actually due to a rather unfortunate genetic experiment (in 2023) which created the Super Nephropidae, a highly intelligent breed of crustacean, who formed a union--and small army--headquartered in the Andaman Ocean (they love those warm crystal clear waters). Needless to say it's quite impossible to encounter one on a dinner plate.





Hmm... I hope by eating this one I did not alter the future timeline so that their leaders will never form... hmm, whah ha, ha ha ha ha!

How to Know When You've Been Spending Too Much Time on the Computer

You know you've been spending too much time on the computer when, instead of telling your wife to throw out those leftovers, you tell her to delete them.

Last Time I upgraded a TiVo Series 1



The last time I upgraded a TiVo Series 1, I experienced the GSOD (Green Screen of Death). I am thankful today that I haven't seen this yet.

21st Century TiVo Upgrade Success Story









The office's HD TiVo was recently upgraded by yoors trooly to add another terabyte of storage to the existing terabyte (which I upgraded from the stock 160 gigabytes last February).

This brings the grand total to 215 days (2777 hours) of recording at standard definition (though I don't know why anyone would want to watch anything less than 780 lines of definition, but oh well...)

Now my episodes of Human Wrecking Balls won't be deleted by some unknown person. I have a hunch that it is the secretaries who are secretly recording and watching their shows during business hours. Just wait until I catch them. Time theft in any form is a serious crime!

By the way, I would have loved to had 365 days worth of recording capacity, but the maximum size supported at this time (as far as I know) is 2.2 TB (2.0 TiB).

You can find out more at the TiVo Drive Expansion and Drive Upgrade FAQ.

Special Flea Market Here In Indochina


From Engrish.com


Intrigue in Thai-Saudi Jewelry Theft Case



Some may say it's quite unfortunate that Thai-Saudi relations paled after this caper and subsequent events, but from inspecting one of the many alternate realities where it did not occur, one can see that the Thai people benefited greatly from having less of their population reside in the Kingdom.

A jewellery theft, a string of murders and a missing businessman are cases to be solved

American Stonehenge, Ten "Guidelines"

The Age of Reason... yes, that sounds like something right up my alley. Hmm, and we have Ten Commandments, er. "guidelines" for this age as emblazoned on the American Stonehenge. Let's see, first is to "Maintain humanity under 500,000,000..." oops, uh... let us reason this one out. First, we'll take a quick check on the world's current population to the top right. And now a very simple calculation, and got it. Hmm, that would mean we would need to eliminate 93% of the people living on the planet. Well, that doesn't sound so reasonable. Maybe for an archenemy, or an ultimate nemesis of Doctor Smart. I'll put my analysts to work to determine who is behind this and will inform you of it as soon as anything develops.


Wired's Story on American Stonehenge

Reason # 5 Why I'm Sooper Smart

I'm convinced the earth is overpopulated because... I live in an urban centre... and it is crowded here.

Air Nike Dissection



Very sadly, my antique pair of Air Nike shoes fell across the path of our experimental disintegrator beam and began experiencing decohesion the other night.



But, always one to invert a frown, I took the opportunity to dissect them.



You can see a careful extraction of the air sac membrane which I will preserve in casualdehyde.



I hold out hope that it may be worth something when (if) I return back to my time.

A Kindle for the Fire



One of the first widely popular E-Ink readers (and in black and white only, no less), the Kindle is a valuable antique where I come from.  Unfortunately this one was DOA.  However, the broken antique was quickly replaced by the Amazonians, quite to the doctor's liking.

I highly recommend procuring multiple units now and keeping the majority of them in hermetically sealed cases for future trading on the antiques market:


What would you like to read next?